Sucker For Italian Beauties

Recently i have been submerged in lots of 80's Boogie records and started to miss the soulful more naive new romantic structure that gives italo its distinct style. So i had a session in the studio to myself and indulged in lots of Adriatic synth wankery. The following are some of the records that really pulled my pud during that late night crate dig

Nemesy – Nemesy LP

ITALO HOLY GRAIL. One of the most sought after albums without a doubt. Reason? Its fukin really good.  I actually bought this for the track ‘24 hours’ but the whole album is brillo. 24 Hours is a beautiful sunset beach of a tune but the production is fantastic on the whole LP and the tracks combine warm 80’s Adriatic disco, phat analogue synth work and soulful naivety to make the perfect summer Italo album. A MUST OWN PIECE. If you’re struggling to find or afford the LP go for the 12” of 24 Hours which has a different version to the album but nearly its equal and is only around £70.00! Suck a few cocks and it’s yours Gee!! Suck 300 cocks and you might be able to afford the album!

Mac Jr – Elephant Song (Instrumental)

Twinkling electro chugger on the classic ‘Disco Magic’ label. The sharp apreggiated synth sounds leap like sparks and are perfect for getting a fire started on the dance floor. Just as your asking “Where is the un-sophisticated element that makes Italo what it is?” In come the synthesised elephant noises!  FUKINWIERD! But brilliant

Esavu - Spelling love (Instrumental)

Sinister graveyard disco bassline. Undead party time ar kid. Bizarrely the instrumental has more lyrics than the vocal! (More likely a printing error).  Does what really good italo does best. Mixes darkness and hope into a bubbling potion that’s initially hard to swallow but you will be glad you did after you let go of what your rules are regarding music. Long stretches of brilliant minimal chug is broken by a typical Italo chorus that drops back straight into where you want it to be. A fantastic cocktail of electronic life and death. “Down in one! Down in one! Down in one!“

Sylvi Foster – Hookey

Dark bulimic euro bizznizz. Evil, Sick and Bad Bad Fukin Bad! Jeeeesus this is soooooooooo Gooooooooood! Cant believe this wasn’t a dark crossover hit. The fantastic dirty bass line, the clean complimentary synth chords and that pop oriented chanting makes for an addictive heady concoction. This seven minute audio crack binge will leave that moorish synthetic taste in your mouth. Cheap and addictive just like the afore mentioned drug

Model 11-29 - Wot Times (Instrumental)

Winner of the cosmic electro smash boogie trophy. If Juan Atkins got Nile Rogers pregnant this is what the doctor would hear through the stethoscope when checking the un-born disco bump. Its mellow techno and disco bass balance each other perfectly resulting in a track that is equally at home in the disco or the chill out zone.  “Shut it Bosco and summarise you waffling cock”. Lasers and Lava Lamps gee! Lasers and Lava Lamps

The Armed Gang – Love Shot

KAPOW! Boogie fans will cream their duds on the first listen no doubt. This is one of the heaviest boogie records around and the original fetches big money between dealers and collectors. The production is second to none as is standard from the brilliant Musix label responsible for the amazing and previously Red Laser reviewed Nite Lite and Wot Times. This spoonful of soulful, warm and squelchy audio sex will be enough to trick your bits into arousal. Hard on’s for the boys and wide on’s for the gals. Cosmic quickie fuck. Had to put the album shot in there too cos the artwork is fukin buzzin

Danny Keith – Keep on Music (Dub)

So simple it’s like a disco retard! The quality of production and the arrangement are the elements that make this track amazing. It really shows off music that can rock a floor with only a few parts making up the track. Its shit like this that makes idiots think making music is easy. To do something so simple and effective is what most producers strive to achieve and only few can execute. Great dance floor builder.

Ghecko Firelight – (Intrumental)

The crystaline intro is completely shattered apart when that super heavy bassline kicks in. This has a great New Romantic feel to it. As with most italo records the vocal side stinks of cheese but the instrumental version is punctuated with just the right amount of catchy camp vocals to make this a classic Italo track. There’s a top re-edit out there by Red Laser man Flemming Dalum too and at a great price so run quick before the dealers bleed your Pay Pal account via a ridiculous re-evaluation.

Il Bosco

Ste Spandex EP1

To say Ste Spandex is a talented creative is a fukin understatement. To say he likes a drink is a fukin understatement as well. I remember we stayed up all night drinking after a club until the sun came up. Me and the Mrs went to bed about 10am and Ste fell asleep on the grass in my back garden. When I came back down in the afternoon and opened the door into the sun drenched enclave Ste woke up suddenly and grabbed a beer from the bag next to him, cracked it open and took a swig before even acknowledging my presence. Respec!

Most peeps would be like “Well that’s all I need to know gee!” but he is equally as talented at music production as he is at instinctively consuming tinny’s.

Ste has been developing his production style over the last few years and is unique among producers I know. He wasn’t happy just sat in front of a computer. What works for Ste is an interactive workspace.  He has an understanding about the space in which you create can have an effect on what you create and he has found his own way by amassing all kinds of hardware resulting in a unique studio setup. A place where he can move and dance while twisting knobs and sliding channels, punching drum pads and playing synths with his feet. Even more special is the tracks are live takes! Capturing the moment and making any mistakes actually part of the finished track while recording on to VHS instead of a computer is the reason why you will not hear anything that sounds similar in music production right now.

His studio takes over most of his large bedroom / living space which means he lives, breathes and sleeps music.  It’s a comforting and interesting place. Well that’s when the walls aren’t flashing in a 2CB induced hallucinogenic nightmare, but sober it’s a place you can hang out comfortably for 24 hours and as a result Spandex is now producing music at an alarming rate and we have three EP’s including this one scheduled over the coming months. Not only that he is responsible for the whole process including the artwork and design so this series of Ste Spandex EP’s is a true artistic showcase by a multi talented creative.

Ste Spandex EP1

A1 - Big fat tuck

A fantastical electro journey jam that takes you by the antenna and launches you high above the disco grid for a bird’s-eye view of the party below. In true Spandex style Heavy synths and acidic percussion drive the disco but somehow this track still keeps you feeling warm with its soulful endeavour. Anyway, enough of the bullshit poetic imagery, this is a fukin cracker of a track. No shit!

A2 - Beatin my time

It’s an analogue chug bomb! This simmering synth soup bubbles erratically until it finds its four four stride and marches you onto the dance floor. Great low slung base and south central LA synth lead will have you reaching for the hydraulics in your imaginary soft top Cadillac… with the metallic paint job and the nice rims Gee……  A fantastic sunset boogie jam!

B1 - Piano V.2

As far as anthems go you can’t get more anthemic house than this right now. This manctalo piano house belter is sure to blow the roof off any and every decent party this year. You can already feel the Mediterranean sun on your face seconds into its phasing piano hook. It’s as catchy as the nuro virus but with added “SICK”! In fact it’s so sick its Bulimic Gee! This big dose of early 90’s tinged rave classicism will keep you smiling for the full eight minutes and with sore cheeks as a result. Do not miss!#

Il Bosco

"CLICK HERE" TO PRE ORDER STE SPANDEX EP1

The Full Story Of The Jizzmass Party

So the Red Laser Full Beam Jizzmas Party was eventful. Starts with me and Full Beams Randy Marsh going down to the event venue the day before the gig to test the sound and speak with the club owner to make sure everything ran smoothly on the night. We tried to get as much prepared as possible but were hampered by the owners reluctancy to let us mess up his gaff even though he knew we were coming and the place isnt in the best condition anyway. Sayin that, the venues crumbling interior is all part of the charm of the underground clubbing experience but it does nothing for the ambience when it doubles up as a restaurant by day. When we turned up the only person in the gaff was a dude sat on his own who looked like he qualified for suicide watch. While he waited for his food he nursed a pint of lager and watched shite on a wall mounted telly. Topping off his bespoke dining experience was the asylumesque strip lights, the kind that reveal major arteries under the skin, and the positioning of his neatly laid table which was the middle of the fukin dance floor. Perfect if he was hoping to hear a sound check mid scran. As a restaurant it was about as inviting as Jewish deli in a gas chamber. We realised all we could do as prep was agree a fee for us getting people in the club and the supply two crates of beers as a rider for all the DJ’s

                  The Roadhouse dancefloor as people arrive      

The next night we turned up at 7.00pm as discussed and started the set-up. The next 4 hours would have been less stressful if I had opted for being bummed in prison. The owner argued everything we had agreed the night before. Also our sound check did not get off to a good start as me, Sonofapizzman and Marsh discovered broken speaker after broken speaker. Marsh realised there were essential wires missing too which had been left in the venue with the system. While I re wired broken speakers he dived into a large box of cables in search of any that were functional and proceeded to drown in the black and red spaghetti. Out of 10 speakers we had 3 working and each one was a different make.

                                 Starion complete with 80's fist

                            Ste Spandex rocking red eye tie die

By now the club was starting to look like one of those damp suburban second hand electronics shops with piles of partially working amps and speakers. I could see Randy’s blood creeping toward simmer as we tried to make best a bad situation which was sporadically interrupted with bursts of negative and bi polar energy from the owner. “You can’t have smoke machine!” “The free beer for the DJ’s is now one pound each!” “The one pound DJ beers are now two pounds each!” “You can’t put this army netting up here!” “I really like this army netting how much you want for it?!” Just when I thought the situation could not get any worse he excitedly reveals his latest investment in his venue.  Black caps and matching T shirts emblazoned with the venue’s logo in neon pink. Money well spent dude. Why have good sound when you can have matching bar staff?  By this time Marsh looks like he’s ready for takin out any chump in reaching distance and my head was in the stress bin.

           Red Laser always attracts and good looking crowd          
L-R - Sonofapizzaman, Metrodome, Randy Marsh, Yoshi, Emma

                                     DJ Emerald (Disco Mums)


A few doors down is what can only be described as the complete opposite to the venue we were battling with. The Roadhouse is a promoters dream. A small, dark underground club which I have been a part of for many years in Manchester. The sound system is huge and bass heavy and is consistently maintained by the most well respected team of engineers around. The bar is as organised and central library and the door staff are as inviting and warm as your grandparents. That’s presuming your grandparents are not evil cunts. I quickly found the manager and old friend John Green. “Band finishes at 11.30. I will check if the bar staff want to carry on and if so we can have you up and running by 12! No messin about. Just fukin facts. That’s the kind of shit you need in a crisis

                                                   

            Kid Machine looking a bit cold under the aircon unit. 

Next move was simple. I relayed the plan to Marsh who agreed we should do what I think has never been done to my knowledge in Manchester before. We re-located the club night halfway through the club night. Back at club nightmare I turned the lights on mid record and asked the Disco Mums to stop the music. “Right everyone. Fuck this shit. We are off to the Roadhouse!”

                        These 2 have never looked this normal before

I did feel bad having to make that decision as the owner is a top guy but venue just wasn't ready which is a shame as i have attended some pretty good nights in there when the sound has been in working order. He was understandably pissed off when i started shipping people out of his club and down the road. He was even more pissed off to find his bar staff dancing at the Roadhouse an hour later.  The only way me, Marsh and Pizzaman could remove the pent up anxieties of the evening now was to get absolutely fucked. A mission I set about with aplomb (See images). The night was saved from total disaster even though the set times went out of the window and it became everyman for himself. Kid Machine did a small live set that sounded great on the Roadhouse system but deserved a more settled atmosphere. At the end of the night everybody left inside the club threw in their spare change so we could pay all the DJ’s who played a record breaking four quid each which we all then threw back in the pot for a crate of beer anyway.

                                     The bouncer was not to be fucked with

Besides 80% of the night being a fukin nightmare it was a top laugh in the end. I also learned you can’t hog the after party turntable with Pizzaman and Marsh around. “””OWN MEDICINE”” “”BOOOOOGGGGIIIIEEEEEEEEE”””

'CLICK HERE' To listen to the vibe of Red Laser Disco

 Il Bosco