Unsung Heroes - Promoters

Just before the last Red Laser BBQ event i was running around Manchester wackin up posters like an fly on wizz and I bumped into the promoter of quality Manchester party Hoya Hoya. Jonny Dub has been around Manchester doing his thing for a good few years and has been a driving force of Music and Arts events in the city so he knows his shit. He was hosting an arts event with painters and music and kids could get involved taggin trains in a controlled environment. Good practice for my lads artistic future although it might be an idea to include 3^rd Rail awareness in the workshop (Joke). It was nice to take a well earned break and my stress subsided as I could talk with someone who could sympathise with my chaotic, impending event date situation. After a brief catchup we inevitably ended up talking shop and it wasn’t long before I was on about how much  I “HATE” promoting. Jonny immediately burst out laffin while saying “Me Too! It does my fukin head in”!

The Disco Mums and Kwasi smashing up the Roadhouse afterparty 

Crazy BBQ action. The place was packed and bouncin

Most promoters I know hate promoting. Especially promoters like me who are getting on a bit. Its defo a young mans game! The amount of effort versus risk just doesn’t add up. I liken the whole situation to a woman’s perspective of child birth. If the result is good the pain disappears instantly and euphoria erases all memory of the months of shit you have just been through and the cranial busting stress of the event, but when the result is bad it can put you off going though it all again forever!

The reason I do it is cos I love DJing. If I didn’t make my own party and book myself to DJ I would hardly get offered any fukin decent gigs at all! It seems Andrew Weatherall gets all the gigs that I want. He mustn’t believe his luck being one of the only cross genre DJ’s that big promoters are willing to book because their scared of not putting on a crowd puller. To be fair he’s earned it though. But promoters of festivals and established clubs should grow some bigger bollocks. There is an unbelievable amount of talented selectors on the doorstep that I enjoy seeing DJ but rarely get to.

 I realize just how much I love DJing a great party when I weigh up the effort.  I tried to do this by asking myself six simple questions that sprung to mind at the time of writing.

To DJ at a great party would I –

·         1 -   Suck another mans penis even though I’m hetro? (Er.. Nar)

·         2 -   Run a marathon? (Fukin well too much effort. I'd rather suck a mans penis)

·         3 -   Pay good money for the privilege? (I aint payin to play any fukers party. My pride would not ave it)

·         4 -   Let a girl put a dildo in my bum hole? (No chance. One way traffic ar kid)

·         5 -  Embark on a pride swallowing siege by carrying a headline DJ’s records, collect food of his choice,       pickup his laundry and let him use your head as a skin up tray? (I feel like ive been here before…)

·         6 -  Run around like a headless chicken for two months with stress levels reaching pressure cooker status putting up posters wherever you can  and handing out flyers to people who want to spit on you outside clubs at all hours of the night while bleeding money then on the day of the event wait with excruciating anxiety while people trickle through the door all the time keeping a smile and being attentive to your DJ guests needs then at the end give your DJ guests the same amount of money that you lost on the event then spend that amount again getting fucked trying to convince yourself it will be better next time? (BINGO! Add this effort to the question above and you got a deal!!) I must be fukin mad!!!

First in, Last out is the simplified story of every underground promoter. Truth be told, and I have said this plenty of times before, “Promoters are the true unsung heroes of the underground music industry”. The effort that goes into putting on a good party is phenomenal. Running a record label is a fuckin doddle in comparison.

Nothing pisses me off more than seeing a Guest DJ that appears ungrateful for a good party. Yeah ya know the ones that are getting paid hundreds, even thousands of pounds, and they still swan in late or just as their about play, then finish and want paying immediately and taking back to the hotel cos they cant be arsed with you or your friends. So they fuck off without even socialising or thanking anybody for their time and effort. A few names spring to mind over the 15 years I have been putting on parties. Yes Questlove of The Roots you’re a cunt. Mark the 45 King – You’re a cunt. Nicci Cheeks – Your dead to me. Giles Peterson – You bathe in your own self importance but really you’re just a lucky twat. And that’s just a few that I can think of. There have been plenty of others

Also It fucks me right off that underground promoters are completely overlooked by the mainsteam music press. I blame a lack of passionate journalism. It seems any young fuck wit thinks he can write about music these days and if he or she has a mate at a major blog or local rag then their in there repeatedly writing about the mainest streamest crap to secure their free tickets. I rarely see passionate investigative journalism and a real effort to uncover what’s happening underneath the shit that floats on the surface of Manchester’s local music industry (Manchester Evening news take note)

But there is light in this post. This is because there are great parties happening all around. The Disco Mums returned gobsmacked from Back To Basics in Leeds which is a night that has been around for time and by all accounts is still an amazing party. No Fakin are still doing their thing in Liverpool. Bad Passion in London. Yes London! Its not all clueless fucks with tongues to big for their mouths and middle class office workers on working class cocaine! (Even though ive never been my trusted London friends have sung its praises and its defo on my hit list) And Manchester is boasting a fantastic time for underground clubbing  at present with umpteen great underground parties covering  Italo, Boogie, Acid House, Disco, Hip Hop and others. All these nights have a promoter or a team that run around for months before the party so the next time your there watching a guest DJ think of the poor bastard that lost a few years of his or her life trying to make it good.

Looking forward to playing a great party. Trust me you should make the effort to go North East

Another belting doo is DaDa. DaDa, ran by the Last Waltz crew in Newcastle was one of the best parties I had attended in years and me and the mrs made the journey back up to Newcastle from Manchester not long after the first visit due to the fantastic music policy from its residents and its amazing “right up for it” crowd. And since those first meetings both myself and the Last Waltz lads have been busy developing our own record labels, parties and music productions and now I find myself being invited to guest at their next party on Sunday May Bank Holiday. The event is an all dayer at legendary venue The Tanners which is celebrating 15 years in the game. For me this will be reminiscent of the Pub Raves I used to do in Manchester a few years ago which were pretty bonkers. There’s something special about a party in a pub. I fukin love pubs me :D

Promoters I salute you (Daft bastards)

Il Bosco