It’s been a long time since I last wrote a blog. I just about managed to get those Cig reviews in before my 2nd child Etta came we’ve been back on the survival rollercoaster since (If you haven’t read Cig reviews it’s the next blog post below. Treat yourself). So it would take some massive size 15 kick up the arse for me to be even arsed to take a picture of a bottle nevermind make some notes. This particular kick up the arse came from not one but 3 boots,
Boot 1 – My mates sayin “Do another wine review”
Boot 2 – Christmas happened and consumption sky rocketed which is perfect for inspiration but shite for productivity (See data below as proof)
Boot 3 (the productivity boot) – I caught another episode of that wanky bollox of a Wine Show on channel 5 and it made me believe I needed to write this just to save wine from certain twatery. If you haven’t seen 'The Wine Show’ (original name yeah nice one) Its mainly about 2 smug middle England bulbs and one bean ed (who looks like me!) hanging out in breathtaking locations drinkin life in a glass nurtured from the fertile ground using generations of knowledge,,, and all only yards from their smug feet. They give the impression its normal for people to just randomly end up in a 300 year old Tuscan villa while popping out for Pims in Highgate!! The result is a very very boring programme that should be amazing. God! I can’t even make it past 10 minutes and my foot is stuck in the TV screen. BORED BORED BORED! Ive only attempted to watch it twice and now im on my 3rd telly! Do me a favour. Get Bosco and the crew in Booths for a few hours and we’ll make a better show than that on our phones! No shit! Anyway I’ve collected data and analysed it to see if I should give The Wine Show one more try;
Before the reviews some Red Laser Corp business. Shares are up following the failed handback of Full Beam! LTD to Randy Marsh because A) He changed his name to Randy Brunson and that fucked up the legal documentation and B) He has no golden pubes to trade (as agreed in the contract) after a stressful 2017 left them all grey however he still holds his position as Chief Operations Director at the company.
January performance is slow out the back of a busy 17 but there’s some great things bubbling for 2018. Up first a super limited 50 press of breakhardcore and rave madness from DJ Absolutely Shit and limited represses of More Hitz and Bridge Theory. Also look out for Tommy Walker III LP, EP9 and Full Beam! 2. On the party front were also reppin a full day on the Friday at Love International Festival Tisno Croatia (check that lineup below! Sorry Ben UFO! Event page here), Friday night at Gottwood in Wales and ive got some killa gigs coming up @ Rhythm Section London and a return to Bigfoots Teaparty in Edinburgh.
Anyway the main event. Here some belters that helped keep my arteries clear of sausage fat though December .
Terrace Estate – Liquid Geography – New Zealand – Waipara Valley – 2016 – 8th Day
80% of my wine time is spent gluggin rouge so it’s not often I’m chattin blancs but10 yards from the seaweed pasties and hessian jam rags in a famous Manchester vegan hypermarket sits this amazing New Zealand Riesling. The bottle is adorned with gold medals like it’s a veteran of ‘The Grape War’. The expectation has been set dangerously high and is met piss easy. An icy mountain waterfall splashes citrus, peaches and honey across the grid. Every sip deletes a greasy memory. My brain is having a rare multitasking moment as it worryingly works out how this one bottle is gonna satisfy 8 people while simultaneously dancing with the caramel decay. The melting sweet notes are cool enough to never get sticky making this wine a polyfunctional badman. Great with food, great without, amazing on a cold day, can’t wait for hot one.
If you do one thing this weekend go and buy a bottle of this mega grog and have it with some light zingy scran. It will be a nice change from eating all that winter food which all starts to look like something you see on screen at an endoscopy.
When I first got the wine bug it was because of the the big full bodied Ausie bangers. Shiraz from the Barrosa Valley and those bulbous Amarone’s and Primitivos from Italy. Then I got bored, fancied myself as some sort of hot shot sophisto and it was all about the light and subtle. I got bored of that well quick and realised that I just prefer big rich flavours. I like to think ive travelled quite a bit over the years and so far im convinced the world capital of huge rouge is Puglia in Italy’s heel followed closely by the Valpolicella zone in the North. If you have ever been to Puglia you will know that buying Rosso there means you aint getting anything other than massive jammy bastards. We had bottles that were practically Porto due to 16% plus alcohol levels (That’s piss your pants zone on the Boscometer). In our local wine shop just outside Ostuni you could not get a rosso other than Primitivo and Negromaro and when I asked the owner if he had a Sangiovese he said he’d never heard of it!!! Only one of the great Italian grapes!! Anyway it was nice to see this Puglian wine using Merlot, Zinfandel and Negromaro with amazing results and on offer in Tesco for only 7 quid! That 7 quid gets you a 30 quid banger all day. This is grape gravy G! It’s as thick, dark and rich as Obama’s widge and classy like the man too. Its sits heavy in the glass. If you could extract dark matter and bottle it, this is what it would look like. The liquor grips your tongue and spreads a generous layer of red currant jam followed by melting dark chocolate. The perfect mix of coco bitters and sugary preserve slowly slide deeper into your throat and linger in a spectacularly long finish. On the eye its dark dark blood red. If you held it up to view with an imploding nebula behind the glass you still wouldn’t see through the fucker. Its creamy richness is partly due to the process of Appasimento which is what also gives Amarone its huge characteristics. This is where the grapes are partially dried before going to press so you get this naturally sweetened output. I first started stocking the wine rack with Colle Marrone and its predessor Ca’ Marrone a year ago and whenever it goes on offer I go mental. The Mrs sends me out for wine and I always come back with one (or 2) and she rightly complains that I should be trying new stuff but hey, nowt worse than spending a tenner on a disappointing bottle. I’ll be braver when we can afford to be init. Verdict - CEO tackle at receptionist prices
Signos de Origen - Chardonnay - Viognier - Marsanne - Roussanne - Valle De Casablanca – Chille 2015 – 8th Day
The best white I’ve had in years. This ambitious blend can only be described as the ultimate box ticker. Strong at 14.5%, as fruity as Carmen Mirander’s helmet and a finish so rounded it will have flat earthers pulling their dicks out of their arses (give it up its well boring). This is another power grog from 8th Day that dispels the myth about organic wines being shite. It’s hard to get your head around the Mango and pineapple butter that coats your palate and sticks around for a cuddle before getting fresh with your tonsils. Those wandering arms of crisp apple flesh get enjoyably gropey and I’ve quickly got a lob on induced by the bold approach of this powerful, full bodied, golden yellow and all natural WILF (Wine I’d Like To Fuck).
Can’t talk about Amarone and then not have one. Ive had a few decent supermarket Amarones in recent years. Tesco, COOP and ASDA all have top shelf bangers under £15 but its M&S’s Villa Alta that has set the bar mainly because of its slightly oddball character for an Amarone. Sweet and round it aint but intriguingly more acidic than normal and balanced with rich raw cacao, black cherries and liquorice. First few sips and I was like “Shite this I don’t like it. £40 quid down the dunny (I’d bought a Magnum cos it was half price)” Half a glass later I started to realise it would have benefitted from being decanted for at least an hour before. By glass number 3 I’m hooked in and the chocolaty bitters are getting moreish as a 50 quid stone. The visual is as expected,,, Daaaaaaaaaaaaarrrkkk. Theres some great character in the nose and I found myself greffing the glass before each sip for that hit of coffee, almonds and oak. Due to this wines richness and balanced acidity I found it perfect for strong cheese consumption and goes well with chocolate too. If your gonna pick one up a normal size bottle is around £23 but remember to get it decanted for a couple of hours before swigging.
Aldi. The brand that disguised itself as a scruffy chav so it wouldn’t pose a threat to the old boys that monopolised supermarkets in the UK. Now there all shitting it! And they fukin should be. A foreign invader that won the hearts of a large cross section of UK society cos of its quality swag at gutter prices. You could buy a whole store for half a bit coin including the cars in the parking area. And some of the best lines Aldi sell is on the wine shelves. This is a big French cracker and comes in a bottle you could kill a cow with. Its heavy as fuck and covered in studs. I had to spend 50p on a bag for life just to get a couple of em home safely. This doesn’t even need decanting. Straight from the cork pop it hit the glass like Ox blood and painted the inside red with its long thin legs. On sniffy snifter a black forest gateaux was delightfully rammed up my nostrils. Whipped cream and all! The initial mouthful is the best. Dark spiced treacle, blackberry and vanilla all fight for centre stage and with each glug a new winner is crowned. Defo worth the tenner just for the amount of glass on the bottle alone.
Well I know I’ve bigged up some wines in the above text but Jesus Christ this is a game changer. We have to thank Italian Chichetti A'vucciria (website here) in Rossendale for this one. If you in the North West you should get your arse over there. The pork belly and the beef capaccio are instant boner tackle and then add this wine to the mix and it’s a happy sticky ending guaranteed! This is connoisseurs tackle. Its 40 quid banger that you’d pay hundreds for. If you take the leap and break the bank for one night the only disappointment you’ll have is not being able to afford another 3 bottles and if you’re not careful the credit card you got to pay for the critical new bathroom will be stained red across your teeth instead. It’s like drinking blueberries and vanilla with torched toffee. Its blended 4 grapes bring all of that North Italian mountain richness straight to your grid making it absolutely un-forgettable. I’ve already googled wholesaler’s locations in the UK to check out the possibility of liberating a few boxes. Bosco’s wine of 2017 (Nice one Pizzaman) Verdict – Chairman of the board tackle.